I need Rest!

It will be a nightmare for me when my kids are sick. I've always pray hard for my kids to be in a pink health condition. It will be a heartbreaking moments when seeing the kids endure the sickness. I've been taking care of sick loved ones since I turn my status to a wife. I've been taking care of others without much concern of my own health. Emotionally and physically, it affects a lot, a lot than I can barely think of!

Lately, the little one, always grumbled during night time. I was not sure if it was due to less milk during night feeding as I pumped like usual and the amount, still the same, so I thought, night time, will also be the same. However, I did not realise, for weeks or a month, I've been in a high stress condition. Emotionally & physically, and indirectly, it affect on my milk production without I realising. Just now, I can get the thought of it!

I can't do anything much as I will need to go through this challenging time for another few months or forever. But, this time is really challenged my patience, my skills, my pace, my thoughts, my physical strength as well as my health! Alhamdulillah, there were no near miss fatal so far as I could still hold my breath before I do anything that is out of my mind or anyone's.

And, I don't have a say anymore. Nothing would change the moments I've faced, am facing of going to face. I wanted a peace of mind, belonged to only me, I wanted a bedrest without much thinking of others, I wanted an enjoyable vacation without annoys, screams, grumbles etc. When will I get those? I don't know, I live my life with the flow. When it happens, it happened. When it is not happening, it is not. That's my life after marriage.

I'm bored with all these. I need rest! Seriously I need rest, comfort, attention and love eternally. Which I found really hard to acquire. Some sort of I need to buy all those intagible values that I really need deep in myself.